Wedding mode: engage!

That's right, it's time for me to start cracking.  We have a venue, we have a date--I can finally start planning this wedding in earnest!

What's that you say? You thought I was already planning a wedding? Well, yes, I was. But now it's really really REAL. Now I have a target--an end goal.Something to work toward that actually exists outside of my mind.

Speaking of the end goal--I think that's a large part of my wedding jealousy I've been experiencing. I've done some thinking, and here's what I've come up with:

I wanted to be the only one planning a wedding.

It wasn't just that I was jealous of my friend having a date and engagement pictures already (although I definitely was). I just wanted my engagement period to focus on MY engagement. If there were going to be engagement pictures on Facebook, I wanted them to be MINE. I wanted to be the one posting cryptic messages about "don't make any plans for XX/XX/2013!" I wanted other people to be excited about my wedding, and no one else's.

The problem was that I didn't HAVE a wedding at that point. I had a dress and some foggy ideas.

Now, though, I HAVE A WEDDING. A date and a location. That's all we really need. Will we have more than that? Hell yes! Flowers, vows, the whole nine yards (as long as the nine yards are cheap and practical).

I was jealous of my friend's progress because I didn't feel like I was making any. It wasn't about her, really, at all--we're friends, and I'm so excited that she's getting married, because this has been a long time coming. It was about me--I was feeling left out of my own engagement period, left behind by someone who had gotten engaged AFTER me.

Is this the end of my wedding jealousy? Probably not. I'm sure that as time passes, I'll see things that I want but just can't afford, or wish that my invitations were a little classier, or my engagement pictures were a little more unique--but that's for later. Right now, I'm just going to be happy that I have a wedding date--and that it's before my friend's. :P

AAAAHHHH

You guys.

You guys.

AAAAHHHHHH!

We may have a wedding date. That means we are having a freaking wedding, you guys.

AAAHHHH!

Corollary to the wedding jealousy discussion I'm having with myself

So relationship pictures. You know, the cuddly, sweet, "look at my BF isn't he the cutest" pictures that every new couple seems to post on Facebook every five minutes? Yeah, those.

I hate those.

For a while I think it was just bitterness--I wasn't in a relationship, so I automatically despised any photos of couples in a relationship. I was all "why do they get to be so happy when I'm so lonely, wah wah, blah blah."

Then I started being legitimately annoyed by them. Because relationship pictures are a form of bragging, a form of showing off your perfect couple-dom, how well your head fits under his chin or how perfectly you're able to match outfits with your sweetie. Even if someone isn't intentionally posting relationship pictures with the thought that "haha, now everyone will be jealous of my relationship," that's basically what's going on somewhere in that sweet, chin-tuck-under-able head. Even when you are in a relationship, seeing how someone else's relationship is "better" (or at least, more photogenic) than yours--it's frustrating. And I have a very low tolerance for other people bragging.

So for me, my very least favorite thing about Facebook is when I log in and "Blondey McPretty posted 27 new photos to the album Our Engagement Pictures." I don't need to see 15 pictures of Blondey and Hunky snuggling on the couch or holding a banner with their wedding date emblazoned on it. I don't care to see Blondey's engagement ring in 6 different illogical locations, like on a tree branch or perched atop a cupcake. So Blondey and Hunky are planning their wedding faster than I am. Perfect. Great. That makes my little breaks from work SO much better and less stressful.

But the weird thing is? I love other people's engagement and wedding pictures. On Pinterest, on blogs, anywhere else on the internet--as long as it's not someone I know, I like to see a couple looking into each other's eyes or giddy with excitement. I just can't stand seeing my own friends posting those photos on Facebook.

Am I the only grumpy old woman who feels this way? Maybe I take it too personally--after all, Blondey and Hunky aren't really posting their engagement pictures to make ME feel inadequate. I should just be happy that they've got a friend with a camera and want to show off their love a bit. But I know my Facebook friends don't care how my wedding planning is going--so why do they think that we care about theirs?

Wedding jealousy

One of my friends from high school got engaged a few weeks after I did. We haven't talked in a while, actually--we sort of drifted apart since we went to different colleges, and haven't made that much effort to keep in touch. We have very different lives and very different relationships. She and her now-fiance have been dating for over four years, since our senior year of high school, and she's been planning their wedding for almost as long. I've always known they were going to get married, and figured that she would do so before me.

But now that she's engaged, and I'm engaged, I'm feeling this incredible urge to get married earlier, and better, than she does. She posts something wedding-related on Facebook, and I'm just filled with jealousy. I judge every one of her wedding pins on Pinterest to see if it's as pretty, or as unique, or as fun, as what I've pinned that day. I take a LOT of comfort in the fact that her fiance is two years younger, so that even though Dave doesn't have a full time job, at least he's not still a student.

It's appalling, really. I'm embarrassed even to admit how jealous I am. But a couple weeks ago, this friend posted on Facebook about talking to her mom about wedding dresses and bridesmaids dresses, and I was so jealous. Why wasn't I talking to MY mom about wedding dresses and bridesmaids dresses? Well, because I already have my dress figured out, and because I'll probably only have the one bridesmaid (maid of honor), and because I don't need my mom's input on every little decision. I can do this on my own--and I plan to.

Last week, my friend posted something hinting that they've set a wedding date--for a day in July next year. My first though? Oh, I hope we get married in May, then.

Over the weekend, my friend posted some pictures of her and fiance that look like engagement pictures--and one has them holding a bit of bunting with what must be their wedding date (and I was right, it is in July next year). I'm blaming this on low blood sugar, but I actually felt a bit of nausea mixed in with my grumpy jealousy.

What is wrong with me? I'm a normal human and have been envious of other people before--but this is completely out of character for me. Is this a normal part of being a bride-to-be? Anyone else having big Wedding Jealousy thoughts?

Fancying up

Because I've been reading wedding blogs for *cough* a while now, I didn't really "plunge" into wedding planning like I think some people do. I've sort of been wading in the shallow end of the wedding pool, while some people get engaged and just cannonball off the diving board. So I'm doing wedding things by stages. One of these stages is picking a dress. And I think I have!

First, backstory. I LOVE vintage styles. I sewed my high school graduation dress from a vintage Vogue pattern, and over the years I've had a few very cute, vintage-y pieces. But since I've always been on a high school or college budget (i.e., no budget), I haven't been able to buy the vintage dresses, tops, and skirts that I love.

Vintage dress on Etsy via Pinterest

Retro-style shoes on Modcloth via Pinterest

What does this mean, wedding-wise? It means I wanted this:

Grace Kelly's wedding dress, 1956

And could afford, well, maybe this:

Vintage-style dress from UniqueVintage.com

What's a low-budget bride to do? Try to find a used dress for cheap, of course. And did I ever!

This is my mother's wedding dress and veil, which she wore in 1981. The dress hasn't been out of the box since she got it cleaned when my oldest brother was born in 1985. (We had an uh-oh moment when I pointed out that if the cleaners had sent her a box with something else in it, we'd be stuck with it--but that was just me worrying, and everything was fine!)

It fits! Perfectly! Do you see how perfectly it fits? The sleeves aren't too long, or too short, or too tight! The skirt touches the floor but doesn't drag! The bodice--okay, the bodice is a little tight, but I can go braless--problem solved.

Is this my ideal wedding dress? No. But I've been thinking, and I have the rest of my life to buy a dress like this.

I don't have the rest of my life to wear my mother's wedding dress. If I wear my mother's dress, I'll be connected to her in a way I never expected, which is pretty awesome. I'm always touched by stories of brides wearing their mothers' or even grandmothers' dresses, and I am really excited to be one of those girls.

Plus, free, vintage Alfred Angelo dresses don't just fall into your lap every day.

If you had the chance to wear your mother's dress, would you? (Or, for the dudelier types, are there any family-heirloom-things that you would wear?)

Not so gratin

I have a file folder full of recipes I've torn out of old Southern Living and Cooking Light magazines. When I'm at a loss as to what to cook in the coming week (you know, when I actually remember to plan what I'm going to cook in the coming week) I'll flip through the recipes to find something Dave and I might like. This week, I pulled out this recipe from Cooking Light.

Garlicky Spinach-Sausage Gratin

Verdict: something is wrong with this recipe. I consider myself a pretty decent cook. I'm awesome at macaroni and cheese and make a great vegetarian chili, and I can follow a recipe (i.e., I can read.) Rarely do I end up with something that's inedible. This dish was okay last night, and the leftovers I brought for lunch are unpalatable.

I will admit that I didn't follow the recipe exactly. I fudged some of the cooking times--cooking onions for four minutes was taking too long and I didn't check exactly when the sauce started boiling so it might have cooked a little more or less than two minutes. I also completely skipped toasting the breadcrumb topping. But in general, I did what the recipe called for, so there has to be something wrong with the recipe because it's runny as a toddler's nose.

Read the reviews on the recipe--most of the others who have cooked this found it runny and kind of gross. I have to say I'm really disappointed. I'm always impressed by the variety of recipes in Cooking Light, and the last one I made (bacon potato leek pancakes that were eaten before I even thought about taking a picture) was really really good. Something went wrong with this recipe, because it was not so gratin.

(That's supposed to be a pun on "great" but I think it only works if you're not really sure how to pronounce "gratin.")

***

In other news, I may have found my wedding dress! Yes, it's early to be thinking about dresses. So I'll spread out the love a little, and wait to talk about the dress in another post. :)

Life hack (sort of)

I'm supposed to take multivitamins but I always forgot because I was always in a rush in the morning before work. But I brought them to work with me and keep them on my desk, so that when I get bored at work (which I *never ever* do) I look around, notice my multivitamins, and take one. I'm still not taking them every day, but at least I'm taking them more than once a month. Plus, it gives me a little break from work. :)